Do you know there are more photographers per capita in West Michigan than anywhere else in the states? Here’s the real deal. After my fateful trip to Haiti ~before during, and after the quake~ I came home and largely put my camera down. I held my kids, went back to church, then went back to school, and finally reignited my love of dance. I always loved taking photos, but the competition, pricing, ever increasing time urgency, fashion questions- all of it was lost on me. It has to be said the business end was never my strong suit, but now I didn’t get it at all. You don’t go through something like that and not come out changed. I experienced the same feelings of doubt and questioning at home- why remodel anything? Isn’t everything already way nicer than we need? (I always loved remodeling before) I found myself to be emotional, foggy, frequently disconnected, and prone to anger, which was new. And yeah, I can say it now, depressed. Classic PTS that came at a time when my own stay-at-home Mom role was changing. In short, everything changed. I had more pressing issues now. One of them being trying to figure out what to have for lunch. This is no joke- after 22 years of lunch at home with kids I was suddenly free to eat what I wanted- and I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THAT MIGHT BE. So I ate everything I could think of for my lunches and stared at my camera which was staring back at me, daring me to love it again. I was scared. I felt like people were looking at me waiting to see what I was going to do, and I was increasingly immobilized. And then I slept. I don’t know how else to explain it. I shared my thoughts with precious few people, refused to participate, drank more (delicious) beer than I needed, made my way though the days, and finally woke up. To an alarm going off. They were growing up and I- I was missing it.

This year, in an effort to regain myself, I have photographed only what I wanted to, I took the year off from Festival and Art Prize and publishing and blogging. I did that because I am slowly falling back in love, and this time- it is with the future. The future of our planet, of our children, of our souls, of everything. Somewhere along the way I went from seeing my photography as trying to capture a moment and hold onto the past, which I have always wanted to do- into a way to show the potential of the future. It may not sound like much to you, but to me it is everything. A fundamental shift in my world. It is how I got my groove back.  I am trying harder to be fully present and I will admit I struggle at times with my in-depth understanding of how quickly you can lose someone, and lose them forever. I am trying to come from a place of love though, in all my relationships and in all my work, and let that be my guide. It has brought me back to why I loved photographing children, families, graduates, true love. I love the experience, the people, the beauty captured. It is why I am finally making plans for my next trip abroad (!!!) and why I can be seen with my camera back in tow. I believe our children are the future. AND the future looks bright for them!