Do you know there are more photographers per capita in West Michigan than anywhere else in the states? Here’s the real deal. After my fateful trip to Haiti ~before during, and after the quake~ I came home and largely put my camera down. I held my kids, went back to church, then went back to school, and finally reignited my love of dance. I always loved taking photos, but the competition, pricing, ever increasing time urgency, fashion questions- all of it was lost on me. It has to be said the business end was never my strong suit, but now I didn’t get it at all. You don’t go through something like that and not come out changed. I experienced the same feelings of doubt and questioning at home- why remodel anything? Isn’t everything already way nicer than we need? (I always loved remodeling before) I found myself to be emotional, foggy, frequently disconnected, and prone to anger, which was new. And yeah, I can say it now, depressed. Classic PTS that came at a time when my own stay-at-home Mom role was changing. In short, everything changed. I had more pressing issues now. One of them being trying to figure out what to have for lunch. This is no joke- after 22 years of lunch at home with kids I was suddenly free to eat what I wanted- and I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THAT MIGHT BE. So I ate everything I could think of for my lunches and stared at my camera which was staring back at me, daring me to love it again. I was scared. I felt like people were looking at me waiting to see what I was going to do, and I was increasingly immobilized. And then I slept. I don’t know how else to explain it. I shared my thoughts with precious few people, refused to participate, drank more (delicious) beer than I needed, made my way though the days, and finally woke up. To an alarm going off. They were growing up and I- I was missing it.
This year, in an effort to regain myself, I have photographed only what I wanted to, I took the year off from Festival and Art Prize and publishing and blogging. I did that because I am slowly falling back in love, and this time- it is with the future. The future of our planet, of our children, of our souls, of everything. Somewhere along the way I went from seeing my photography as trying to capture a moment and hold onto the past, which I have always wanted to do- into a way to show the potential of the future. It may not sound like much to you, but to me it is everything. A fundamental shift in my world. It is how I got my groove back. I am trying harder to be fully present and I will admit I struggle at times with my in-depth understanding of how quickly you can lose someone, and lose them forever. I am trying to come from a place of love though, in all my relationships and in all my work, and let that be my guide. It has brought me back to why I loved photographing children, families, graduates, true love. I love the experience, the people, the beauty captured. It is why I am finally making plans for my next trip abroad (!!!) and why I can be seen with my camera back in tow. I believe our children are the future. AND the future looks bright for them!
Mik & Sarah got married in November when he was home on leave. It was a small, private ceremony with only immediate family in attendance, and it was absolutely beautiful. One of the most lovely days of my life! We are so proud of him, and Sarah has been a wonderful addition to our family. It was a tough call for me but in the end I decided to leave my camera home during the ceremony and just be present with my family. It was worth it. Mik & Sarah are hoping to have a reception next summer. Which brings me to mention, Mik is on his first deployment with the NAVY, on the USS Bunker Hill, at last report, near Malaysia. What an interesting experience to be a NAVY Mom as well. Prior to this I knew almost no one in the service. it is fascinating, and I am embracing it, even though it requires learning a whole new language. You’ll have to forgive me if I slip into speaking in acronyms. The NAVY is very fond of them for some inexplicable reason.
